When it comes to sex, few things are as taboo as anal play. It can provide incredible pleasure, but it also requires extra steps to be safe and clean. After all, you are talking about an orifice that is not really designed for things to go from the outside in. The extra care needed may dissuade some from trying, but believe me when I say; the extra work only enhances the reward.
All the Tools
One of the wonderful things about anal play is the simplicity of the toys involved. If you shop around for anal dildos, you will notice only a few designs that focus on vibration. Most are designed for shape and texture. That is by design – of your body. Because the anal cavity is so tight, texture and penetration alone are often enough to provide incredible amounts of pleasure. Vibrations are nice, but they can become over stimulating if used too liberally.
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If you are new to anal penetration, it is best to start with a short, narrow tapered dildo. When we begin exploring anal play, we usually remember to get our anus used to stretching and accepting something into it, but we sometimes forget that the rest of that cavity needs to become accustomed to it as well. If you want to work up to anal sex with your partner, beginning with a gentle dildo and working your way up to not only wider but also longer ones will make the training process easier and more enjoyable.
Some anal dildos are designed to imitate the function and form of anal beads. This is very nice because while anal beads are versatile trainers (and I will have a whole article dedicated just to them later), they are not for everyone. The Spectragels Anal Tool offers the rounded, tapering design of beads in a gently, flexible gel that is easy for you or your partner to insert and control. The tapered design allows you to train your partner to accept both length and width, and it is my exception to the short and narrow rule. This toy is pleasurable for both beginners and a partner who is experienced and ready for more. If you want a little vibration, hold a vibrating bullet at the base. You will feel only light vibrations at the tip of the Anal Tool, however as you take more of it in, you will be rewarded with not only the smooth, pleasurable beads, but more intense vibrations as well.
Men who have experimental with anal play tend to love it, and it is no wonder why. If you take a moment to look at the muscle structure running from the anal regions to the penis, you will notice some interesting inner-connected patterns. The types of muscle structures occur in women as well. What this means is that as you stretch or flex the muscles in the back of the pelvis, you affect the muscles in the front of the pelvis as well, with sometimes very pleasurable results. This is why men often get harder when their anus is played with or a finger or dildo is inserted. It is also why women experience heightened orgasms when something is inserted into the anus at the point of climax.
While men enjoy the different varieties of tapered and textured anal dildos as much as women do, nothing beats a good prostate massage. My own partner prefers this type of anal play to external teasing (which tends to tickle too much for him) or beads. LELO makes a great Prostate Massager. It is compact and durable, with a ring that is easy for either of us to hold. Its tapered design feels good going in or coming out and its curved design is perfect for hitting his pleasure spot. LELO’s toy does not have a vibrator, though you can hold one in your hand at the ring for added stimulation.
Doc Johnson, the same company that makes my Anal Tool has a vibrating Prostate Pleasure Wand. It has a narrowing taper, which is nice for easing it in. The L-shaped design is so that his perineum is stimulated as well, adding to his pleasure and orgasm. The bullet is already inserted into the wand’s tube and includes a controller with four speeds, letting you easily change the amount of vibration he receives, or stop it altogether to edge him back from coming.
The first time I saw a glass dildo, I will admit, I was intimidated. The idea of glass being surrounded by muscles that can have some impressive squeezing power made me nervous. Ever curious, however, I decided to look into them a little more, and now I have two beautiful handmade Crystal Glass Kegels that have a special place in my toy box – one for each entrance.
When it comes to glass dildos, price and quality matter. I prefer hand-blown glass, because I know that an expert artisan has overseen every moment of my toy’s creation. It adds a certain intimacy as well as ensuring quality and safety. Any glass dildo, whether for vaginal or anal play, should also be Borosilicate glass. No exceptions and no imitations. Borosilicate is a stronger glass, it handles temperatures well, and it is easy to keep clean and pristine.
It is hard for me to say which type of dildo I prefer, silicone or glass. Both have their advantages, depending on the type of play that you enjoy. For training, I would not have replaced my Spectragel for anything, and I still enjoy the smooth, soft, and ridged pleasure that it affords me. Sometimes, having a stiffer toy is nice, and when I orgasm, my Crystal Kegel stays firm, heightening my pleasure. It is easy to use it for temperature play, experimenting with warm and cold sensations. I also enjoy the smoothness of the glass itself. Anal play requires lots of lubrication. With a glass dildo, I can enjoy any lubrication that is safe for anal play, without worrying about whether or not it is safe for special materials.
All That Work
Anal play is a lot of work, and a lot of care, so much that some couples are hesitant to try it. After all, if that much energy has to go into a sexual activity, why bother? All of that work and energy, however, can be part of the play. Training, easing your partner from external play to insertion, can become a game, where a favourite sexual act is the reward for pushing just a little further. Turn attention to positions, speed, and pressure into sexual protocols to enhance your intimate time.
Our outlook as we go into any kind of sexual activity will judge how we feel after. Any kind of sex feels like a chore if all we are thinking about is how stressed we are in getting ready for it. Focusing our emotions on the outcome as we prepare, however, helps to keep our minds on both our pleasure, and our partner.
Safety and Cleaning
I cannot stress enough how important it is to keep anal toys clean. As soon as you are finished with play, wash your anal toy with a sex-toy safe, antibacterial cleanser. If you do not own one, purchase it when you purchase your toy of choice.
When you store anal toys, keep them apart from other sex toys. You do not want any anal bacteria that might remain in imperfections to end up on toys that will be used in your vagina, on your clitoris, or even on your breasts. Even glass toys should be kept separate. While they have fewer imperfections in the design, you never want to take chances.
Remember the rule – what goes in the back door never goes in the front.
Anal toys are one time when it is okay not to share. Best practice is for each partner to have his or her own toy. Remember, each of you will have different preferences and tolerances for anal play, which means you will develop preferences for different styles of anal dildos. You also have variations of organisms in your body, and you do not always want to share them. If you absolutely must share toys, it is best to share ones that allow for safe condom use, especially if you are going to share with a non-monogamous partner.
Always remember lubricant. For anal play, it is necessary. Make sure that the lubricant you choose is safe for both sex toys and anal play. Be careful of sex massage gels. Some are safe for intercourse, but make sure that they are safe for anal intercourse before attempting to use them that way, and those that are, test first to make sure you can handle the sensation. Make sure that such lubricants are also safe for the anal dildo you will be using.
Also, remember communication. As you explore anal play, communicate what you are feeling with your partner so that he or she can adjust. As you train, you will need to push your own limits, but do it slowly. If you feel pain, stop right away. I recommend talking to your doctor about your anal play at your next visit as well. More and more doctors are accustomed to having these types of discussions with their patients, and they will be able to offer you advice for staying safe, watching out for warning signs that you may have hurt yourself, and keeping your anal play clean.
Speaking of clean. If you plan on anal insertion, you want to be as clear as possible. I do not recommend laxatives unless you have discussed each use with your doctor. Remember those unique organisms that grow in your body? They are vital for your health and well-being, and laxatives can upset the very delicate balance they keep. Your doctor can help you set up a diet regimen that you can use one or two days prior to your planned play, so that you are ready and healthy. This natural method will also keep you feeling well so that you get the most pleasure from your play.
Now that you have some ideas for exploring the world of anal dildos, enjoy.